Dear Arthur,I’ve been kicking myself all day. Last night I made a terrible, stupid mistake. I was in this bar and this really good looking young guy was making eyes at me and when I went to the loo he followed me in. Well the thing is we ended up in one of the cubicles and right away he had my trousers down around my ankles. It felt really exciting because I’ve never done that before. (Really?! Ed.). Anyway, having seen to me (... and you're a poet too! Ed.) he soon made his excuses and left, but it wasn’t until about twenty minutes later I realised my wallet and all my cash was gone from my back pocket. I'm 48 and you'd think I'd know better. (Peter, Manchester)
Darling, darling, darling Peter! You see this is exactly what happens when us chaps start thinking with our cocks and not with our brains. Although I suppose you were the suckee here, you’ve actually come out the sucker!
No, you haven’t been totally stupid, temptation lures us all, but you have been very careless and now you’ve paid the price. So, here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to put this one down to experience; you’re going to make sure you never put your valuable items in a vulnerable place again; and next time you’ll be a bit more wary when a cute young things starts making eyes at you.
So, consider yourself well and truly finger-wagged at by your Uncle Arthur who’s much too crafty to be caught out like that. Well, with the tiny exception of the night I was left standing on a street corner while the guy I was with went to get some dope from his dealer - with the £20 I leant him! Ten minutes later I’m still there, thinking how long does it take to score some ganja … Doh!! Yes, I was the only dope that night, not forgetting the fifteen quid I’d stumped for a the taxi ride to the middle of nowhere. And I didn’t even get a blowjob out of it!!
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