JUST WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Dear Arthur,

I'm sat here in the bare living room of my new flat, a week after we've sold the family home. I'm free at last but at the moment I can't move for packing boxes and I keep just sitting here in floods of tears thinking about the bloody mess I've made of things. I'm scared and I wish I could put everything back the way it was. Is it always going to be like this? (Jeremy, Barnet)


Dear Jeremy,

After everything you've been through lately, of course you're in floods of tears. For all that you wanted a new start, you're grieving for the life you've left behind. What's more, and I'm going to be totally honest here, things are going to get worse before they get better. Waves of guilt, recrimination and a fair dose of self-loathing are on the way. So, amn't I the cheery weatherman?

The point is, this is a stage that has to be gotten through and me saying 'there there' and drying your tears for you won't help you one little bit.

What will help though is if you exercise a degree of mental separation. Imagine your emotional cargo trundling down one track of your mind while on another track you can keep a clearer head and do your practical thinking. This is where you can start to change the things that you can actually change. Let's say you begin with those packing boxes. Get them all unpacked as soon as you can. Just find a place for everything and worry about the fine-tuning and feng shui later on. Quite quickly then you'll see a shape to your new home and the outline of a future.

But as for when the tears come again, as they will, that's the the time to head out into the real world and get yourself a dose of normality. Take a trip to the shops, or go and get a coffee. Have a sit in the park, get some air in your lungs and notice the people around you getting on with life, because life does go on, and it will for you too.

And finally, at the end of each day - give yourself a big hug. Sometimes life goes wrong but that doesn't make you a bad person.

Keep in touch, Jeremy, and let us know how it's going.