Dear Arthur,
I don't know if the internet has gone mad or it’s just me (I'm very new to it all) but I met a guy through a well known dating website. I had already said I wasn’t looking for sex but anyway we agreed to meet on the South Bank where we had a pretty normal chat and then left it at that. However, he then followed me to Waterloo train station and yelled obscenities at me across the concourse and of course it was obvious to everyone that we had met on a gay website. I thought at one point he was going to hit me! I don’t know many gay people and so this seems to be the only way to meet guys but are they all going to be this crazy? (Jason, London)
Sorry to hear that you’ve been having a freaky time of it in the smoke, Jason. That is a hazard of the internet I’m afraid. It can tell you so much and yet tell you nothing. Ironically, more and more people are deserting the bars and the cruising grounds for the internet because they feel safer in that environment. Speaking for myself I much prefer to meet guys in bars and the like. Yes, I know some think the Scene is very superficial and casual but at least there you have more to go on. You’ll soon discover if a guy is best summed by a repeated hand gesture!
Assuming though that online dating is your main resource for hooking up with guys, here a few tips for more successful encounters in the future.
1. Be sure you’re profile is clear about what you’re looking for. You might tell someone that you’re not interested in sex but actually on your page you’ve ticked the ‘looking for 1-on-1 sex’ box. It could be argued you’re sending out a mixed message there.
2. Read other users profiles very closely. If there isn't much information on a guy’s page get him to fill in the blanks. Find out as much as you can about a person in advance. Fixing to meet up with a guy after you’ve only exchanged a send-and-reply volley of messages is maybe a bit risky. It’s a bit like bumping into a guy’s trolley in the supermarket. Sure it might lead to a coffee after the checkout but you’re not likely then to head straight back to his place. Be careful, be cautious, be choosy.
3. If you do decide to meet a guy then be sure and give yourself a get-out. Have in mind another appointment, real or imaginary, that you've got to keep and mention it when you first meet. If things are going well you can always 'postpone' it or 'put it back', but if they’re not, then you’ve got a pre-announced reason to leave.
Do bear mind though that this isn’t just about you. There is another person involved here and if he turns out not to be your type, or what you expected, treat him kindly and respectfully. Treat him as you would be treated yourself.
Assuming though that online dating is your main resource for hooking up with guys, here a few tips for more successful encounters in the future.
1. Be sure you’re profile is clear about what you’re looking for. You might tell someone that you’re not interested in sex but actually on your page you’ve ticked the ‘looking for 1-on-1 sex’ box. It could be argued you’re sending out a mixed message there.
2. Read other users profiles very closely. If there isn't much information on a guy’s page get him to fill in the blanks. Find out as much as you can about a person in advance. Fixing to meet up with a guy after you’ve only exchanged a send-and-reply volley of messages is maybe a bit risky. It’s a bit like bumping into a guy’s trolley in the supermarket. Sure it might lead to a coffee after the checkout but you’re not likely then to head straight back to his place. Be careful, be cautious, be choosy.
3. If you do decide to meet a guy then be sure and give yourself a get-out. Have in mind another appointment, real or imaginary, that you've got to keep and mention it when you first meet. If things are going well you can always 'postpone' it or 'put it back', but if they’re not, then you’ve got a pre-announced reason to leave.
Do bear mind though that this isn’t just about you. There is another person involved here and if he turns out not to be your type, or what you expected, treat him kindly and respectfully. Treat him as you would be treated yourself.
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